We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
