Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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