god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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