My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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