What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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