Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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