So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
