M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
