We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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