if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
