Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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