On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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