It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh god it's open bar.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
