i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
