what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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