nut hugger
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
