We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
