it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
