i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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