Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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