he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
50% drunk capacity currently
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
