oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
