I wish my penis had an off switch
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
organizing the empties. That sober.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize