we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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