Just mADE A PArabola og urine
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
