U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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