I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
