You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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