I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
