It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
