just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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