she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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