so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
