Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
