we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
