dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
