OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
sick fucks of a feather flock together
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
