I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
