My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
