i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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