If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
