I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
