Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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