I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was like eating out sand paper
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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