and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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