She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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