how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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