Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How external is "for external use only"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize