Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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