I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize