You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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