But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize