Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
