She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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