Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
