I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
