you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
