u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
