wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
