ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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