wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Im part way to drunk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
