walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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